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I cry. I cry, what for other people can be an intense amount of tears. Let’s put this in perspective: when I see the beauty of the world, I cry. When I see human kindness, I cry. When I’m angry, I cry. When I’m sad, I cry. When I feel an overwhelming sense of love, I cry, and when I listen to a beautiful piece of music, I cry. All in all, I can confirm my eyes get a regular dose of good cleansing for any reasons that my emotions might deem necessary. If you can relate to this, I need you to listen to carefully: there is absolutely nothing (let me repeat that), absolutely nothing wrong with you.
In my therapy practice, I sometimes witness the great stigma that clients carry regarding tears. Sadly, I have heard the following statement over and over again: “I’m too emotional, I cry too much”. But it doesn’t stop there. Some clients even feel they must apologise for crying. They wipe their tears in a hurry, wanting to hide this emotionality from their faces as soon as possible.
So let’s clarify this once and for all: Your tears are beautiful, your tears are welcome, your heart and everything that is associated with it, deserves nothing but love and respect.
Yet, it seems a large amount of people has learnt to feel shame about crying and associated with this shame there seems to be the belief that they are emotionally “too much.”
Crying is one of the most vulnerable, honest and open ways of expressing your feelings. Crying in front of others is like being naked, is like if your internal system would stop you from hiding, masking and repressing what you feel. Crying gives you no other choice than speaking about your heart and feelings, and that can only ever be good. Can you imagine a world where people would allow themselves to speak about what hurts them or move them from a vulnerable space?
Your tears are your ally. When we repress our tears, we are shutting down the part of ourselves that regulates feelings. We stop giving ourselves space to process and feel. We bottle up and move on without the emotional peace that we generally obtain after we cry. We allow our bodies natural healing system to come to a halt, and that can have negative consequences for our general well being.
Your tears are a necessary and innate human function: trust me, if we weren’t meant to cry, our bodies would not do it. In times of intense stress, toxic chemicals build up in our bodies; crying is a way of releasing the toxicity. Crying also helps to release stress from the muscles in your body. Finally, amongst many other benefits, crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system and restores the body to a state of balance, reducing your fight or flight response.
Crying is stigmatised because others feel uncomfortable with tears: The main problem with crying, is not you expressing your feelings (as far as you are not hurting people of course!). The main issue is that others don’t know how to handle and how to respond to your tears. Most people, when they see someone crying, feel uncomfortable, don’t know what to do about it, and in the extreme cases, your tears make them angry. When this happens, it is just way too easy to stigmatise the person crying, and such, in this simple emotional transference, the beauty of tears is transformed into feelings of shame, of being too much and of not being good enough. Your tears are a gift, regardless of how others feel about them.
All in all, it is time for the sensitive people in the world to stop feeling embarrassed and ashamed because they cry. It is time to express the beauty of who you are. There is a lot of healing and a lot of wonders in tears and crying. So I’m going to ask you to take a step forward and make a commitment with yourself in this precise moment:
Let go of the shame associated with crying.
Never apologise for crying again.
Promise yourself never to repress your tears just because others say they are too much.
Integrate within yourself that empowerment means vulnerability and as such, your heart expressing feelings is 100% worth it. Let’s create a society where we can be ourselves, no matter what.
About the author: Lucia Garcia is a Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, and Reiki Master Teacher with several years of experience. She is based in North East London, where she see clients. If you are interested in learning more about her work or getting some help, contact her on:
074.1386.7149
lucia@counsellingforchange.life
www.counsellingforchange.life